Dolphin Sex
by HobbitFeet69
Summary: Gabriel lets Sam in on a couple little secrets concerning creation. Crack!blurb.


**Title**: Dolphin Sex

**Characters**: Gabriel/Sam, mentions of god, Raphael, vaguely implied Destiel

**Warnings**: discussion concerning creation plans and evolution. Slightly blasphemous. Unbeta'd. Crackish.

**Spoilers**: You know that one angel, Gabriel, right? Good.

**Summary**: Gabriel lets Sam in on a couple little secrets.

Sam should have known something was up. First, Gabriel wasn't attempting to fill every moment with him with incessant chatter. Second, he was using Sam's laptop, but seemingly for something other than porn. At least that's what Sam could gather, since the archangel wasn't one for turning down the speaker volume when he actually did surf for porn.

Instead, Sam had a lapse in judgement wherein he took Gabriel's moment of silence as an opportunity to catch up on reading something that wasn't case related. Stretched out on their motel bed, Sam thumbed through a paperback copy of some cheap mystery novel he managed to snag the last time they passed through a thrift store. He was propped up on his good arm, determined to relax despite the dull ache that throbbed through the other arm.

Several days prior the Winchester boys had been hunting a particular volatile poltergeist. Sam walked away with a sore arm after being slammed into a wall, but Dean stumbled away. The poltergeist didn't look kindly on being exercised, and he let the boys know it. In the middle of the cleansing ritual Dean was thrown down, cracking his head on the dusty old floorboards of the home they were hunting in.

He was resting a couple rooms down with his own wayward angel to take care of him. And that was perfectly all right with Sam, who had his hands full with Gabriel. Speaking of, his curiosity was getting the better of him the longer the archangel remained in silence. After numerous furtive glances, he finally cleared his throat.

"Gabe, what are you doing?"

"Reading," the sandy haired man responded, his eyes still glued to the computer screen.

True enough, Sam watched as his eyes sawed back and forth across the screen in a 'reading' motion.

"Okay, reading what?"

"Reading about dolphin sex."

Sam looked over his book, giving Gabriel a strange look. It was a mixture of disbelief and a quiet resignation as the admission was probably genuine. Opening his mouth to ask why, he pauses, not quite sure that he really wants to know.

"Who do you think designed them, Sam?" Gabriel cut him off, glancing at the sprawled figure of his human lover as the corner of his mouth turned up in a wry smirk.

"No way."

"Uh, yes way. _Trickster_, Sammy. Dolphins are like… aquatic Tricksters."

Sam shook his head in disbelief.

"So God just asked you to help him, what, design animals?"

Gabriel gave a one armed shrug, turning in his seat a little to face Sam better. "Sure, why not?"

"And how… how does dolphin sex figure into whatever weird conversation we're having right now?"

With a soft snort, as if the archangel couldn't believe his human charge could be so thick headed, Gabriel toed off his shoes and leaned back further in the hotel chair. Because of his consistently relaxed demeanor Sam sometimes forgot he wasn't human. Having worked along side Castiel for so long, the hunter was used to angels who, for all intents and purposes, appeared to be uncomfortable in their vessels.

If not uncomfortable, then he would describe it as almost clumsy in the borrowed flesh. He witnessed a type of ungainly mannerism that followed angels around, mannerisms that belied the true grace and form of the heavenly beings. The ease of which Gabriel moved helped him to more readily accept the other man as his friend and lover.

He wasn't sure how Dean dealt with Castiel, who was the epitome of awkward in almost every situation.

"Just checking in, making sure everything went according to plan. Evolution's a tricky process, Sammy. Everything has to line up just right. I came up with the character design, but it's up to nature and a couple helpful, celestial nudges to handle the rest."

Sam accepted this, once more being reminded that he was regularly the bedmate of a being that was older than the earth itself.

"If you've never noticed, dolphins aren't finicky about mating, or fucking around, if you catch my drift."

And Sam did. He vaguely remembered a national geographic episode regarding the water dwelling mammals and their sexual habits. But it was interrupted by a teenaged Dean who announced that the show was "too nerdy to be on in the same room" as himself. Needless to say, his older brother confiscated the remote and they watched some sports program for the rest of the night much to Sam's chagrin.

"Does that mean you helped make hyenas too?" he asked, head reeling a bit. It was a heady conversation for him, as a human, to try and comprehend. The comparison was easy to make. Hyenas had that weird laugh thing going for them.

"Oh please, Sammy, don't insult me. Those were Raphael's. Suits him, don't you think? Filthy little scavengers and politician smiles."

He could believe that, even chuckled at the thought.

"Tyrannosaurus rex, now that one was dad's. Wish I'd come up with it. The arm structure was genius. Dad had a sense of humor that the majority of you humans never fully realized."

The youngest Winchester found himself completely interested in Gabriel's version of the Creation Story, one that archangels apparently had a hand in. His paperback sat forgotten beside him while he listened to Gabriel speak. "What else did you help with?"

His voice was small, mind still trying to conceive the notion that he was in the same room as the guy who pretty much invented dolphins, of all things. The conversation was all sorts of surreal.

Gabriel considered his answer shortly before shutting the laptop and claiming the space beside Sam in the bed. He unceremoniously pushed Sam's book to the floor and settled himself comfortably beside the taller man's side.

"Well, only a few more things. Nothing noteworthy, I can assure you. I chose the coloration of some of the earlier species of fish. Made a couple of wildflowers, stuff that was around from before humans started cross breeding the shit out of everything. And not for nothing, but I helped the Aztecs find cocoa, even if that creation is accredited to my father."

His grin had no affect against the pinched expression Sam's face found itself in. His and Gabriel's definitions of 'noteworthy' differed on an astronomical scale. Picking the color pallet of any given fish species ranked fairly high up on Sam's degree of noteworthy things. Having Sam give into Gabriel's request to incorporate maple syrup into foreplay was a pretty big deal to the archangel.

"Oh, there was one more thing," Gabriel said thoughtfully, lifting a hand to rub his thumb over the hunter's thin lips. Sam stared back at him a moment before huffing out a breath of denial.

"Get outta here…"

Again Gabriel just shrugged, a smug smirk fixed on his face. He allowed his hand to drop, but his eyes lingered on the other man's mouth.

"Believe whatever you want, Sammy, but it's the truth. Dad had a _very_ unattractive blueprint set up for you humans, at least where your mouths were concerned. Imagine… reptilian features. A simple, ugly gash for a mouth with omnivorous teeth packed inside. Where're the redeeming qualities in that?"

Despite the toned down nature of their conversation, Gabriel still smiled at the human, trying to turn the lesson into something humorous. Sam figured his penchant for turning everything into a joke was a tic, a part of his routine. He appreciated it for what it was, never feeling as though Gabriel was patronizing him.

"His first design was even more unappealing. The mouth is a means to an end, just like everything else about the human body. I had to convince dad that lips could be used as a facet of survival," he chuckled at the fond memory, oblivious to Sam's incredulous look.

"Worked, didn't it? And can you picture having one of those sappy, human romances with lizard lips? That's some damn ugly kissing…"

"Gabe, your angel is showing," Sam pointed out, mind finally catching up. Gabriel just grinned in return.

"I love our sappy human romance," he assured him, tone amused. Sam smiled, leaning forward to capture the archangel's lips in a slow, though chaste, kiss. Gabriel made an appreciative sound in the back of his throat. When they parted, the shorter man gave him a curious look.

"I guess I should thank you on behalf of the human race," Sam murmured, dropping his forehead against Gabriel's. Gabriel raised a brow in response.

"Thank me, huh? I've got just the thing…"

The hunter blinked, waiting for a suggestion that was likely to include sweet condiments or toppings.

"Let's have dolphin sex."

That was not what Sam expected.

But he didn't argue.


End file.
